My first reaction was "that could be me!" I quickly checked my thoughts and decided that my current diet and exercise plan are well in line with a healthy lifestyle. Then, to the extent I could I went back to work.
Over the next few days, my wife and I talked about it more and it began to consume our days. The consumption showed up in strange ways. We argued about this and that. We felt hurried and struggled to finish things. We spent extra time reading to the kids at night.
Now dad and his wife and my sister and my other uncle and his family have all come to visit and the funeral has come and gone, we are starting to reset our lives.
Looking back, I see my thoughts fall into three groups.
1) What about my aunt and cousins? These three are the most closely affected and how will they make things work? My uncle was the main guy in their lives. How will they fit it all together without him? And how can I help? This last question is perhaps the hardest one.
2) What about my relationship to them? It is sadly too late to make changes to my relationship with my uncle, but what about my aunt and cousins? How can I improve that?
3) What about my life? What changes have I been putting off? Are there other relationships I'd like to mend or start? What about my health?
Over the past few days these questions showed up initially as demands. I need to do this. I should do that. Since I've been so regular with my exercise, it's easier for me to regain my footing and see things more rationally.
Exercise has not fixed everything for me but it's the penny I keep putting in the jar. The simple thing I keep up with that pays me back on rainy days.
I'll surely miss my uncle and it may be a few more days of pondering these questions.
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